someone owes me an orgasm
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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