Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is my gift to your gina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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