I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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