You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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