I want to have your abortion
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
