how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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