I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
