Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
another moral hangover. fuck.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize