I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
