it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think i have two assholes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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