what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
