Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
