I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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