"it" just moved
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
