I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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