Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
