I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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