People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
