gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
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I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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