508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
