I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
