I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize