I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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