the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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