my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
