Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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