therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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