Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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