i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
