____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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