its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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