u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
