what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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