I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
