I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
