just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
