btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is wine microwaveable?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
