Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
