I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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