I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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