so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
