She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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