So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
