forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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