so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
