the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
