Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
