it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
two words...techno handjob
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
