I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
