one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
