Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
