my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
