I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
