you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just invented taco cereal.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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