I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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