Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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