Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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